I have nightmares of you.
They leave me sweating,
and crying.
I wake with my legs at an angle,
poised to run.

I don't think of you during daylight.
I try not to think of you at all.
My mind put up a wall,
blocking you from infiltrating.
I have waged a war against my memories,
but they have a nighttime advantage.
I leave my wall unprotected at night,
and you and your minions clamber over it
and assault me.

But now you've come to me in the light.
Not asking for forgiveness
(it's not mine to give),
but asking for a chance.
I'm shocked,
I believed you to be a lost cause.
A college fling that closed its doors on me.
But here you stand
asking me to give something
that may weaken me,
kill me in the end.

I don't want to go back,
to open the door,
to allow my memories to haunt me
all over again.
I'm good at denying the feelings,
but to come to you again
might mean letting those feelings
wash over me
and leave me in pieces
littering the shoreline of
our broken promises.

Am I strong enough to live through that
all over again?
I want to find out, but
I'm afraid of what will happen
when I try.

I see a man in my dreams. A man I've only seen once before. He's broad-shouldered, but warm. He has deep-set eyes that smolder, that hold within them the knowledge of pain. Experiences of hard years have aged him. He's only spoken to me twice, otherwise he's just stares. But when words spilled from his lips they were gentle with a roughened edge. His hair falls around his face, softly aressing lips that deliver wonders. He dreams often, I know by that starry look in his eyes, and the way his mouth turns up slightly at the corners.

When he touches me, a warmth spreads through my body. Not a heat, but a warmth like an understanding, an acceptance. It's a warmth I've never felt with anyone... not even myself. It calms me, slows my heart from leaping around, bouncing off my ribcage. He calms me, even strengthens me

But he hurts. I ache when I begin to think of waking without him. I've come to depend on him in my dream world. I am an Athena with him, and a timid mouse when he is gone. It kills me at times to open my eyes and find cold sheets and an empty bed And I feel betrayed by myself to have allowed this magnificent figment of my imagination only to have it ripped away by daylight. He is who I want to be. The one another craves for comfort, for solace. I want to be someone's strength and driving force. But, can I be someone's dream lover?